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John De Posited

John Negated #3
© Matt Quarterstein 12/2/2002

Dramatis Personae:
John Negated
Neo-Serf
Ocker
Raven
Hole


(Begins on a sandy shore, shimmering sea in the background. John Negated and Neo-Serf walk on)
Neo-Serf: John, we have reached the place where the plane of sand meets the plane of water. We call it... the beach.
John: (Iooks out to sea) Wow. It's quite amazing. Can you swim in it?
Neo-Serf: (dismissive) No, the plane of water is so pure that it could whither a man with a single touch.
John: (thinking) That pure, eh? So, do you wash your clothes in it, then?
Neo-Serf: Pfft! Of course! If you have water that pure, you have to take advantage of it for removing all those desert related stains.
(John and Neo-Serf walk along right to the shoreline, where a rickety old dinghy is beached)
Neo-Serf: If you take this vessel, waterproofed against the purity of the water, across the sea (points to the horizon) you will find a sliver in the time-space plane in which to get back to where you came from.
John: That's really nice of you, but I don't really want to do that.
Neo-Serf: You don't? But didn't you want to go home?
John: (plainly) No, I'm in no rush...
Neo-Serf: (trying to comprehend) Oh, I understand, you are on a quest of some kind. Out to find some sacred treasure?
John: Um... not really...
Neo-Serf: Out to avenge the death of you bretheren?
John: No, they're all alive and well. But thanks for asking.
Neo-Serf: Are you out to find out who you're father was?
John: No.
Neo-Serf: Then what exactly are you doing?
John: Just going from place to place, looking at things.
Neo-Serf: (unbelieving) For no reason?
John: (proudly) Yep!
Neo-Serf: (alienated) Oh... um... well in that case (suddenly friendly) Why don't you come to my village. It is only up the beach, I think we are having a party today.
John: Sure, I could do with some sustenance!
(Cut to a field of burgundy tents set up right next to the beach. A dance is taking place in a cleared area in the middle of the settlement, where many people can be seen having fun. At the side, beside a tent is a Brazilian band playing some traditional South American music, possibly Chulka. All of a sudden, Ocker, a skinhead wearing a blue singlet, tattered jeans and the beginnings of a beer gut, breaks up the party, waving his hands and shouting)
Ocker: What is that crap you're playing? What the hell is that? Someone put on some real music! (gets out a cassette player and puts in a cassette)
(Some Jimmy Barnes song starts playing and Ocker begins to dance really awkward. The crowd boos, tramples his cassette player, and throws him into a tent, crying. A few seconds after he has been thrown out, the party continues as if nothing has happened. John and Neo-Serf enter at this point)
John: What a great party.
Neo-Serf: (dismissive) Yes, it is alright...
(Raven, a black haired girl dressed in a beige dress, mingles her way through the crowd towards Neo-Serf and John. She reaches them and gives Neo-Serf a hug)
Raven: (cheerfully) Hi, Neo-Serf, I haven't seen you this close to the border of an elemental plane in ages. (finishes hug) How are ya?
Neo-Serf: I am doing fine, Raven. Raven, I would like to you to meet John.
John: (shaking hands with Raven) Hi
Raven: (enthusiastically) Hi. You're not from around here, are you?
John: Can't say that I am.
Raven: (clapping hands together and smiling cheerfully) Well, that makes you our guest of honour
Neo-Serf: (whispers to John) She is honoured to have a guest to honour.
John: (whispers back) I guessed that honour.
Neo-Serf: (whispers back) What an honour it is to guess that honour of being the guest of honour.
John: Um... yes. (to Raven) What do I do as the guest of honour?
Raven: Why, you get to utilize our sevices in (raises arms) going home!
Neo-Serf: (butting in, to Raven, edgy) He doesn't want to go home
Raven: He doesn't? (to John) You don't?
John: No, I'm happy just to go wherever.
Raven: (understanding) Oh ok. Easy going. That's cool. Well, in that case you can try our latest craze invention. Do you want to do that?
John: Sure.
Raven: Great! (to crowd at the party, shouting) We have a guest of honour, his name is John.
(The crowd starts cheering for John, John turns away in modesty)
Raven: (still to crowd) And guess what? John is going to try out our latest craze invention.
(The crowd cheers even louder)
John: (to Raven, quietly) By the way they are cheering you would think that they didn't want to use their own latest craze invention.
Raven: (turns around, making sure no one can hear them) Yes, you could say that, follow me.
(Neo-Serf walks off)
John: (looks for Neo-Serf) Where did Neo-Serf go?
Raven: Oh, um... he's not allowed to come and see the latest craze invention, because he's only a slave of sorts. So he's gone to join the party, you'll probably never see him again.
John: Ah well. (follows Raven into a tent)
(Cut to inside a tent, where there is a rocking horse sitting by itself. John and Raven enter)
John: Your latest craze invention is a rocking horse?
Raven: No, I left the latest craze invention behind the rocking horse.
(John and Raven walk behind the horse to reveal a gaping hole in the ground, a bright white light pours out of it)
Raven: Right, this bright white light is our latest craze invention.
John: It is?
Raven: Yep, it uses pure elements to replicate things. As our honoured guest of honour, you have the guest's honour to replicate anything you like.
John: (realising something) Oh, right! I get it, I might as well get this over and done with. (jumps in the hole)
Raven: (panicky) John, what are you doing?
John: (voice-only, echoes from the hole) Oh, whenever someone has something that can replicate objects, there has to be someone who gets themselves cloned, that was my job, right?
Raven: Um... no. But I guess it is now!
(The hole rumbles)
Hole: I am the replicator, lord of the elemental clusters that border the known universe you konw as the universe... (unsure) and I have been given the humble form of a glowing hole.(regaining composure) Bow down before me!
(Raven bows down before the hole)
Raven: (humiliated) I really don't see the point in this, you'll always be lower than I am, you're a hole.
Hole: (ruffled) You understand it, and yet you don't relate to it. Ahem! Anyway, I have replicated your friend John Negated....
Raven: (interrupting) He wasn't my friend really, I just met the guy...
Hole: Whatever, he has been replicated. The replicate is 100% the same as the original, except for his name, in order that things are not confusing. The replicate's name is John De Posited, rather that John Negated. (thinking) Hmm, that sounds dutch, so he had better be blonde, in order that he is ethnically correct. Yes
(The hole flashes a few times, steam then flows out)
Hole: Now, because I had to change him so late, De Posited is now evil.
(Raven gasps)
Hole: Do not worry, he has a 50% chance of not appearing. I am going to banish one of the two at random, since I am sick of them both already.
John: (voice-only) Is there any chance of a newspaper down here?
(A dropping noise is heard)
Hole: I have now ejected one of the Johns. I will release the other into your custody, Raven.
Raven: (sighing in frustration, sarcastic) Oh, lovely.

TO BE CONTINUED...


Read John Negated #4 - Voyage To Unnamed Adventure
Back to John Negated #2 - John Gets Sand In His Shoe
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